Adages that make ZERO sense

“Be still, O my heart!” Seriously? if your heart is still, you’ll die.

“Don’t amount to a hill of beans.” Honestly, I’m thinking a hill of beans would be a major mess to clean up. Where would even put it? Are they still fit for consumption?

“By the skin of your teeth…” ….?

“…in a pickle…” I’m pretty sure that’s physically impossible.

“…under the weather…” the weather, truthfully, has very little affect on ones’ health. Unless you live in a Victorian novel. #Pride&Prejudice #WutheringHeights #Sense&Sensibility

“…a little bird told me…” what are you, the bird whisperer? Do birds even listen? They don’t seem to. Gosh, birds never shut up!

“…what’s that have to do with the price of rice in China?” Sorry. Why would I know that? I have no Asian heritage. Do I wish I did? yes, but that’s a different story for a different day.

“Hotter’n blue blazes!” What are blue blazes? Please, explain.

“You scared the bejesus out of me!” umm….ok.

“the Bee’s knees!” Do bees even have knees? Abounding conundrums.

“Suck it up!” I don’t even want to know.

“Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it!” That sounds a little excessive.

“…ball faced lyin’…” mayhap southern pronunciation distorts the actual words, but I can’t think what it might be possibly be.

“…put a bug in her ear…” gross. If you put a bug in my ear, I would hit you. That’s just the truth.

Just sayin’.

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10 most awkward things known to man

1. Twilight

2. Henry the VIII

3. Mt. Vesuvius

4. Your average British dude (No offense. Love British Dudes as we most certainly do…)

5. Zombies

6. List Posts on blogs

7. People who discuss overtly personal issues while in public

8. ELEVATOR RIDES WITH STRANGERS

9. Overly quiet public bathrooms

10. The fact that my Target places men and women’s undergarments RIGHT ACROSS THE AISLE FROM EACH OTHER

 

Paradisical literature

I wouldn’t mind living in the Shire. Good food, sunshine. Curls. Round doors. Flora and fauna on every flat surface.

Speaking of which, Rivendell is a vision as well.

Neverland would be a paradise. Wonderland, though, that would be the win!

How about Alagaesia, while we’re on the subject? Eragon and Sapphira would be great friends.

See what Miss Marple has been finding out?

Looking for some more excitement? Let’s go to the arena for the 73rd annual Hunger Games.

Trudge through the woods in Forks, Washington?

Sail out to Treasure Island?

Nancy Drew and the Hardy boys? Never a dull moment there!

Run the alleys and pick pockets with Oliver Twist?

Ask Scarlett why she kept up chasing Ashley?

Or would you rather follow Dorothy down the yellow brick road?

Conquer your fears with Tris and Four?

Discover the mysteries under the sea aboard the Nautilus?

Walk out with Poirot, and ask the Belgian why he is stroking his mustaches?

Run through the pasture with Black Beauty?

We could take a dusty ride to Maycombe County, and see if Jem has the courage to touch the door at the old Radley place.

Shall we take a turn about the room with Lizzie Bennet, and sneak glances at Mr. Darcy?

Do you trust Phileas Fogg’s hot air balloon?

Ride the range in a Louis L’amour western?

See who is rapping, tapping at Edgar Allen Poe’s chamber door?

Build a raft with Tom and Huckleberry?

See if Sunday’s kiss can get Grumble out of toad form?

Help Winston and Julia evade the Thought Police in 1984?

Have tea at 221b Baker street, and see if you could keep up with the master?

I guess we could accompany Algernon as he abandons obligations visits poor Bonbury, so recently taken ill.

Or should we help Petruchio tame the Shrew in Padua?

Chill with Daisy and Gatsby?

Maybe you’d like to drop eaves while Henry V tries to speak french to ‘fair cousin Catherine’, whom he loves so entirely?

Dig holes with Caveman and the gang, while avoiding Mr. Pendanski?

See if Jo accepts Mr. Baer’s proposal??

Ask Ellen to let us in the back door of Wuthering Heights? We could see where Heathcliff was those three years, how he amassed that fortune… no?

Let’s go to Sherwood Forest, then. Can you use a bow? dagger, something?

Could you hold in your laughter as Benedick gets in a row with Beatrice?

Or should we go through the wardrobe? Narnia is always more magical than the rest… But under whose reign? Caspian the 10th, perhaps…

And they wonder why we love to read.

The most tragic stories EVER

These are the books that (while sometimes having significant literary value) threaten to bring one to tears.

*tears* *tears* *tears*

East of Eden, by John Steinbeck

Tigerlily, by Jodi Lynn Andersen

1984 by George Orwell

Wuthering Heights, by Emily Bronte (it could be contested that this is not so much a tragedy, as story concerning the second generation ended on a pleasant note. However, it is traditionally regarded as a tragedy.)

Romeo and Juliet, by Shakespeare (did we even need to list this?)

Hamlet, by Shakespeare

The Forsyte Saga by John Galsworthy

anything written by Edgar Allen Poe

If you saw one of your favorites on the list, YOU’RE A FREAK.

P.S. We are freaks too, it’s ok. Are you a freak? Did we miss any sad literature?

Our favorite British people

We are, admittedly, anglophiles. Tis no small thing, nay, an all-consuming obsession. The following is our list of favorites.

MadaLin’s favorites

1. Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (wife of Prince William, first in line for the throne)

2. Tom Hiddleston (actor)

3. Benedict Cumberbatch (actor)

4. Michelle Dockery (actress)

5. Jane Austen (writer of romance novels)

6. Emma Thompson (actress)

7. Katie McGrath (actress)

8. Helena Bonham Carter (actress)

9. Kate Winslet (actress)

10. Judi Dench (actress)

**************************************************

Nicole’s favorite British people

Queen Victoria (goes without saying, truthfully. She has an entire era named after her. [1840-1900])

1. Steven Moffat (writer and director)

2. Agatha Christie (writer of mystery novels)

3. Alfred Hitchcock (director)

4. Charles Haddon Spurgeon (preacher/writer, possessor of an excellent beard)

5. Shakespeare (if you don’t know who he is there is a strong possibility you live under a rock)

6. Benedict Cumberbatch (actor)

7. The Bronte sisters (authors of “Wuthering Heights”, “Jane Eyre”, among others)

8. Kenneth Branaugh (actor/director)

9. Tom Hiddleston (actor)

10. Emma Thompson (actress)

11. The Beatles (band) [obviously] {no really, duh…}

10. Matt Smith (actor, the 11th Doctor)

12. David Tennant (actor, the 10th Doctor)

13. Judi Dench (actress)

This is, naturally, not a comprehensive list. Perhaps one day we will produce a sequal. So tell us- who are your favorite brits?

Review on the “Abram’s Daughter’s series”, by Beverly Lewis

In 2002, Beverly Lewis published the first installment of her excellent “Abram’s Daughters” series. The four books that followed track the lives of an Old Order Amish family in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. The story begins in the year 1942, and resolves in 1969. The Ebersol family has four daughters, all of whom we see mature from their youth. The books average  in at 350 pages. They are steadily paced, and solidly written. Though the author deals with intense family drama, it is handled with exceptional good taste, resulting in a book that can be read with the family. We will refrain from spoiling the story, but we happily report a satisfactory (if unexpected) ending. Five stars.

We also enjoyed Beverly Lewis’ “Annie’s People” series.

A awesomely short review Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a Zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.”
Pride and Prejudice was published by romance novelist Jane Austen in the year 1813.

Nearly two centuries later, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies was released by Seth Grahame-Smith.

He has been praised as having taken a dead story and injected life into it once more. Though how he has done so by filling it with undead creatures is a mystery to us.

We here at Barton Hollow are rallying for a film adaptation to be made, starring Benedict Cumberbatch as Mr. Darcy, and Tom Hiddleston as Mr. Bingley. (Whosoever is cast as the Bennet sisters is of no consequence to us, so long as Mr. Cumberbatch and Mr. Hiddleston grace the screen.)

We give it five stars.

Q. (Nicole) Describe to me what it is that Mr. Grahame-Smith has done to this well-beloved classic.

A. (MadaLin) He has infected it with a awesome flavor of 21st century sci-fi! Most notably Zombies. He has written in incidents with Zombies (called, thoughtout the book, Unmentionables, much to our good humour) and has also done the unthinkable in adding to Mr. Darcy’s list qualifacations for the perfect woman.

Q. No! In what way?

Mr. Darcy now thinks less of an accomplished piano-forte player and more of a knife-wielder! Since this “grevious plague” has infected England, former luxuries and marks of high society are now seen as tomfoolery.

Q. But of course, Elizabeth Bennet still passes his test.

Of course. The major pinnacles of the story line are unchanged, but they all bear the aroma of undead.

Q. Do you feel Jane Austen would approve of this re-making?

A. I think a lot of people feel that Jane Austen is rolling over in her grave (hah hah hah), but personally I think she was rather quirky enough to enjoy it.

Q. Do you think her “quirkiness” was well received by pre-victorian society?

A. Perhaps not in her own time, there were many throughout history who disapproved of her works, (I.E. the Bronte Sisters, and surprisingly Winston Churchill) but for every one mark of disdain there is an incalculable multitude who adore them.

Q. Pride and Prejudice is always widely spoken of, but tell me what the plot actually is about.

On the surface, it is about a rather spastic mother of five daughters who (understandably) wishes to see them marry well. However, this desire often overtakes what small sprinkling of common sense she operates under.

Q. Describe each daughter to me.

Jane, the eldest, is extremely sweet and loving.

Elizabeth is slightly sassy-smart.

Mary, quiet, contemplative, and a bit of a know-it-all.

Catherine (Kitty), who is a follower acting mainly under the instruction of

Lydia, the youngest. She is rather self-absorbed.

Q. Tell me about the marriages in the book.

The first to marry is the youngest, Lydia. Against her parent’s wishes, she at sixteen elopes with Mr. George Wickham.

Next, Catherine Deburg attempts to keep Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy apart, owing to Elizabeth’s poverty.

The eldest sister, Jane, marries Mr. Bingley.

Elizabeth marries Mr. Darcy, and they live happily ever after, with both love an money, as do all of Miss Austen’s characters.

Favorite Quotes-

“My sore throats are always worse than anyone’s…” – Lydia

“Any savage can dance!” – Mr. Darcy